


Hurt Because Of Me

by chumpi, IAmGoingToHell



Series: One-Chapter Dumps [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1-800-273-8255, Angst and Feels, Bucky is upset, Daddy Issues, Depression, Explicit Language, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love Confessions, M/M, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Please Don't Hate Me, Suicide Attempt, kinda sorta, steve and tony are peters dads, they feel bad for their baby boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 10:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14998583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chumpi/pseuds/chumpi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmGoingToHell/pseuds/IAmGoingToHell
Summary: (Request by chumpi on AO3)It all went by in a flash. One minute Peter and Bucky were fighting off a guy in an alleyway, then... He pulled out a gun. It was all kind of a blur from there for Peter. At least that's what he says...."What are you doing up here Peter?" Steve spoke from behind. Peter didn't respond, just stared out at the city."What does it matter dad? I shouldn't be sitting on the ledge right now... Not on my own. James should be here. Ok. Not with a bullet wound." His feet dangled off the edge, god knows how high up he is."Don't say that Pete. It wasn't your fault-" Peter cut him off, he was tired of the same shit over and over!"It is Steve! If I had just webbed the guy instead, we wouldn't be here! James wouldn't be like he is!" Peter stood up then and look over the edge, a small tear running down his cheek... "I don't deserve to be walking like Bucky does.." He slowly leaned forward, "If I would have just died instead..."His feet finally slipped and off the edge, he went. "Peter NO!" Was the last thing he heard...





	Hurt Because Of Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chumpi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chumpi/gifts).



> Ok. This is sad. I know. It is okay. Please! For the love of God- Don't read this if you have shit going on or something because I hate to make you feel even sadder. On a side note, I was listening to music while writing this and I swear to you Good Riddance by Greenday started playing.... - ___ - Anyways, if you don't get triggered, then I hope you enjoy my little sad piece o shiz. -Natasha R
> 
> If in need to talk to someone, Please call 1-800-273-8255

_The man reached into his pants, "Pete move!" The man pulled out a gun just as Bucky shoved himself in front of Peter. Buck had pushed Peter somewhere to the side, and he got a good look at the scene before him._

_"I wouldn't move spidey boy or your little boyfriend dies." The man let out a laugh and smirked. Bucky had his hands up with the gun pressed into his abdomen. "Just don't move Peter."  Which didn't matter, Peter was frozen._

_The stood like that for a few moments before Bucky finally threw a punch. He hit the other guy in the stomach, causing the man to gasp and break for air. Buck grabbed his wrist and spun around, flipping the man onto his back. "Buck wai-!" Before the warning could come out, the man had pulled the trigger. Peter didn't even move. Why didn't he move?_

_Bucky's breathing hitched and he stopped moving as the blood trickled down from the wound. The man got up and fled, leaving Buck and Peter on there own. "Dialing Tony." Peters AI, Karen, spoke._

 

_Bucky was leaned up against the alley wall as he bled out. Peter was applying pressure as Tony had said to do and was crying. He couldn't believe he was crying. He should have done something!  Bucky looks up and cupped Peters face, "H-hey.. It's okay doll... I'll, I'll be okay..." Peters' head shook quickly. "No you won't" Bucky seemed to smirk, he pulled Pete down and pressed their forehead together. "Don't worry doll... You couldn't h-have done 'nothing." Peter seemed to shake still, he looked down as Bucky poured blood into his hand, "Don't look-"_

His laptop was shut, and he remained in his seat. "You shouldn't keep watching that Peter." It was Steve, one of his fathers. "I'm still trying to identify that guy." Steve let out a long and low sigh, "Tony and Rhody are working on it." Peter shook his head and stood up. "I still want to help, dad." Steve stood with him and sighed, "Bucky wanted to see you, Pete..."

Peter pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yeah... Okay. I'm going.." He grabbed his laptop and shoved it back into his backpack and walked over to the elevator. He entered and turned back to his father. "It's not your fault Peter. You can't keep torturing yourself like this." Steve had a stern look on his face, but through it, Peter could see the concern.

"No promises." He smiled fakely just as the doors closed. 

 

* * *

 

The walk to the room was quiet and gave time for Peter to think. Which in his situation, wasn't the best thing.  _I could have done something. But I stood there! what the hell is wrong with me! He's dying because of me!_ Peter was standing in front of Bucks closed hospital door.  _Just go in there,_ Petey! _Whats wrong?! Can't face the man you killed?!_ Tears slid down his cheek. "I c-can't do it.." He whimpered as he fell onto his knees and sobbed softly. 

 _Exactly. You are such a little bitch that you can't even go into the room with him. Bitch. Bitch! BITCH!_ Peter had his hand in his fingers and screamed for it to stop as he cried. "STOP! _PLEASE!_ " A few nurses came running towards Peter and tried to talk to him but the voice wouldn't _stop_... 

 

* * *

 

 

Another two weeks had passed since Peters first incident in public. His fathers were so scared for him and tried to help but Peter wouldn't let them. All he did was lock himself in his bedroom and eat or drink when they would come in and sit with him, and they always said the same thing.  _"We aren't leaving until you eat Peter." "Please baby eat..."_

That was the difference between his fathers, Steve was always stern when he was concerned. Always made sure Peter did as he had told or asked. But Tony... Tony had begged him.  _Always_ begged him to eat. Always held and snuggled Peter when he needed it.  _Like a child you idiot. They treat you like a child._

Peter shook his head slowly back and forth as the voice returned to his thoughts. "T-they care about me.."  _As if. No one cares about you. No one. Not Steve, Tony... Michelle, Ned... Not even Bucky._ Peter took his fist and punched the mirror that hung on the wall beside his bed. Over and over... He kept punching it even while his knuckles were bleeding. Kept punching while a hole has formed in the wall behind it. Kept punching. Never feeling like it was ever enough.

"Peter! Peter stop!" Steve and Tony had rushed in. Steve grabbed his arms and pulled away while both Peter and Tony cried. 

 

* * *

 

 

                                                                                                                           Another week...

Peter was sitting on the small cushion inside his window seat. His sleeve was slid up slightly, revealing his scarred wrist. A small knife was in the other, dripping with blood as tears run down his cheek. He didn't want to hurt himself but he did. Because the voice (now a figure that he started seeing) told him that the pain would go away if he did.  _Good boy Peter. Just like daddy wants you to do._ "He wouldn't want this.." Peter looked out at the sun as it set out on the river.  _Daddy loves to see you like this! It doesn't matter what he thinks! Now talk back like that again and I'll hurt you._ The man had made Peter call him that.. He hated it. He was always so rude to him but Peter seemed to always do what he wanted with hesitation, only regret afterward. But daddy had made that feeling go away as well. He made it easy to cope.

Peter shook his head slowly as a fear tears fell down his cheeks. "Please don't... I don't want to be called names again.."  _Don't cry, Pete. Daddy hates it when you cry._ He placed a hand on Peters' cheek and placed his weightless lips against Petes. "I-I'm sorry daddy..." The man nodded and moved away slightly,  _I know Peter. Don't do it again._

The man disappeared for now. Peter got up and wiped his arm and knife off and hid the objects.  

 

* * *

 

 

                                                                                                                            Another month... 

Bucy has recovered, begged Peter to talk to him. But that didn't make daddy happy. So Peter wasn't happy. The thing was, neither one actually saw what condition the other was in. Peter, who had bags under his eyes from his lack of sleep.  _Too busy with daddy to sleep._ He was bloody constantly from his cuts. If he got mad or upset, sometimes daddy wouldn't let him cut himself. He would instead scratch and scratch until they leaked. 

While Bucky was having difficulty walking, he was perfectly fine. But daddy didn't let Peter know that. All Peter knew was that Bucky was still gushing blood out into his hands. 

"Please doll... I can't spend another minute without seeing you..." Bucky pleaded again. Peter glanced at Daddy, who simply shook his head. "No Bucky... I can't hurt you again. You will die. And I can't have that." Daddy glared at Peter warningly. "Please, Peter... I'm sorry for whatever I said or did just please!" Peter could hear the hurt in Bucks' voice but the first sting Peter received was enough for him to not try and play with the bee nest again. "You've stayed your time James. Time to leave." There was no movement for a moment, but eventually, there was a rustling of a jacket and the slightly clomp of Bucks boots as he stood up "I don't like this Peter. It wasn't your fault I got shot." Peter didn't respond, knowing that wasn't what daddy wanted. "I'm leaving town for a few days. I can come back whenever. _Please_ come out of your room... Just once is all I ask." 

Peter looked back at daddy, who had a grin and nodded slowly. "A-alright... I will." Peter stood and faced the door, resting his forehead against it. "I... Talk to you when you return." But there was no response. Buck had already left him.

There was suddenly a strong weight on his hips, holding him in place with a painful grip.  _Want the pain to go away baby boy?_

 

* * *

 

 

Peter sat on the ledge on the top of the Stark Towers. His legs slowly kicked, and he looked down at the beautiful city below him.  _You do it when you feel like it baby boy._ This was Daddy's plan to make the pain go away. It felt nice. A good idea. Yet he had to sneak out of his room late that night. He did this sometimes before Daddy showed up. It didn't feel right then. But now... It did. 

"I think-" He looked over to see that Daddy was no longer there. He heard a door open behind him and the slight slap of bare feet against the concrete

"What are you doing up here Peter?" Steve spoke from behind. Peter didn't respond, just stared out at the city. "What does it matter? I shouldn't be sitting on the ledge right now... Not on my own. James should be here, Ok? _Not_ with a bullet wound." His feet dangled off the edge, god knows how high up he is. "Don't say that Pete. It wasn't your fault-" Peter cut him off, he was tired of the same shit over and over! 

"It _is_ Steve! If I had just webbed the guy instead, we wouldn't be here! James wouldn't be like he is!" Peter stood up then and look over the edge, a small tear running down his cheek... "I don't _deserve_ to be walking like Bucky does.." He slowly leaned forward, "If I would have just died instead..."  
His feet finally slipped and off the edge, he went. "Peter NO!" Was the last thing he heard.

The wind ripped through his hair and a small smile formed. All the memories he had made with his friends and family flashed through his eyes. He missed the way Bucky would smile when he would get embarrassed. He missed the way he and his fathers always tried to make a cake for one of them and always messed it up  _somehow._ He missed the way Bucky would call him doll and nuzzle into him after a long fight. 

He shut his eyes and sighed. "I love you, Buck..." 

 

* * *

 

 

He rubbed his eyes as there was some sort of bright light about him. "Gah vat eh heyll" he started coughing and gagging, something was in his throat and he just couldn't figure out what. It hurt though. He could feel it running down his entire throat. It was hard to think as he continued to gag and cough. "P-Pete! HELP! I NEED HELP IN HERE!" It was Bucky, he could see him just barely as he coughed. A few people- that looked to be doctors and nurses- rushed in. "He's awake!" "Get him out of here!" "Pull out the damn thing before he dies on that.." He could just barely make out of Bucky and laughed slightly through the coughs.

 

* * *

 

 

_Bucky was leaned up against the alley wall as he bled out. Peter was applying pressure as Tony had said to do and was crying. He couldn't believe he was crying. He should have done something!  Bucky looks up and cupped Peters face, "H-hey.. It's okay doll... I'll, I'll be okay..." Peters' head shook quickly. "No you won't" Bucky seemed to smirk, he pulled Pete down and pressed their forehead together. "Don't wo_ _rry doll... You couldn't h-have done 'nothing." Peter seemed to shake still, he looked down as Bucky poured blood into his hand, "Don't look at it doll... It won't be the prettiest thing."  Peter was crying, enough that it made the camera cut out._

 

It had been a year and a half since Peters suicide attempt. Even closer to two years since Bucky got hurt. How he survived, He had no idea. But the others knew. He didn't care to figure it out. It didn't matter. He sat in his room,  _Thought I might come back for our little anniversary baby boy._ Peters' eyes widened and his head shot up, it was Daddy.. Peter started to tear up, "Daddy... Why are you here?" The man chuckled,  _You replaced me baby boy. I'm always with you. Today was our special day. Why not celebrate it?_ The man stood up and walked over to Peter, pulling up his sleeve slightly.  _C'mon baby. One more little mark for daddy?_

Peter shook his head quickly. He had always talked about Daddy in his therapy sessions. He also hadn't cut or hurt himself in anyways for 6 months.

"No."  _Excuse me?_ The man glared at him, looking hurt but angry about how Peter was acting. "I. Said. No."  _That's naughty Peter. It makes daddy upset._ Peters' heart broke when he heard this. "I-i... I said no. I don't want to hurt myself anymore." Daddy looked even angrier. He stood up and slapped Peter hard across his face, it stung terribly. "I'm sorry daddy!" Peter cried out and fell into the bigger man's arms as he sobbed. The older man smiled and kissed Peter's forehead.  _I know you are, baby boy..._

_No one will hurt you again..._

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Well what a WAY TO END IT HUH??? I hope anyone and everyone who read it loves it BecaUSE I Natasha! Finished writing at 4:15 am on June 21st 2 0 1 8 MF 
> 
> No but really. I didn't know who to end it and not make it 789 pages long. I hope you love this if you didn't get offended at least. Later loves! -Nat


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